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Making
Up the Right Way
by Larry E.
Quicksall
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When one of you makes a mistake and
hurts your spouse, don’t fall into the trap of giving him or her
something romantic to make up for the mistake. This will unknowingly
damage your relationship in several ways.
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First, it
trivializes the mistake by reducing it to monetary status. By giving
a romantic gift, you might be actually saying....
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“I know I said some real
hurtful things in that fight last night, so here is a $5.00
bouquet of flowers to make up for it. Yep, five bucks ought to do
it. We’re even now, right?”
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Second, if we say
“I’m sorry about last night” when we make the romantic gesture,
we are distracting our spouse from the apology with the gesture rather
than dealing with what we did wrong and the need for confession and
forgiveness.
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Third, when we
pair up the emotional leftovers of a mistake with a romantic gesture
we are unknowingly tainting all future romance with the question
“All right, what did he do this time?”
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So, what’s a guy or gal to do when
they have messed up? Simply follow this 5 step process:
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First, recognize
the fact that what you did hurt your spouse.
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Second, feel
sincere remorse in your heart for what you did.
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Third, approach
your spouse in a situation with few distractions when he/she is ready
to listen to you.
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Fourth, confess
what you did that hurt your spouse and express your remorse about the
act.
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Fifth, ask your
spouse to forgive you for what you did. If you did something
particularly hurtful or if your spouse struggles with forgiveness, you
might ask what you can do to help him/her forgive you.
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Then, when forgiveness has been
offered you are free to be romantic in a healthy way. (03/13/2000)
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