This past weekend I had the privilege of experiencing some old fashioned male bonding. My father, cousin, friend, brother-in-law, nephew, and I spent the weekend at my grandparent's farm to enjoy the first season of shotgun deer hunting. 

Now, I realize deer hunting may not appeal to many of you, and will probably cast me in an interesting light. But, I cannot run from the truth; my family loves deer meat anyway you want to cook it. You may also be wondering what deer hunting has to do with parenting tips, so please read on. 

My brother-in-law, Mitch, brought his son, Andy, along for the weekend. From my counseling experience, I understand how difficult it can be for fathers and sons to bond during the transition into the teenage years. During this weekend, I watched a father bring his son not only into his world but through a rite-of-passage by going big game hunting with "the men." The two of them got to spend several hours together 15 feet up in a tree stand that was approximately 4 by 4 feet talking about who-knows-what. There was no television, no video games, no Walkman, no beepers, no household chores, and no typical distractions to keep them from spending time together. Andy was able to target shoot a rifle and fire off his first round from a 20-gauge shotgun. While they didn't have the opportunity to take any deer themselves, they had enough fun to hopefully return for the second season in December.

The point I am trying to make is that you don't have to necessarily go deer hunting to bond with your teenage son, just bring him into some activities you do with other men. I know of one father who was having difficulties with managing his teenage son and tried such an activity. He took his son golfing with his regular foursome. He let his son drive the golf cart and treated him as an older son, not a little kid. While this did not make all their difficulties go away, it did help them move their relationship in the right direction. 

What are the rites-of-passage in your family that may help you and your son transition into the final stage before manhood? What can you put into practice now to help build a better future for the two of you? (11/28/1999)

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